The first debate brought horror and disgust to the American people last night. In a surprise move Bane simulated his own debate with a terrified moderator, kidnapped newscasters, and a frozen Batman. The Bane team seemed to have hijacked a space to hold their own version of a debate for national viewers. The audience was even filled with cardboard cutouts to simulate a large crowd in the stands. We speculate that Mr. Freeze or Poison Ivy had something to do with Batman’s fixed presence on stage.
Starting the debate Batman seemed emotionless and reciting generic politic sound bites. Bane followed with a tirade of tax slashing and money pumping proposals. The night grew worse when he proposed to eliminate China from the earth and would execute Big Bird, the famous large yellow bird from the iconic children’s program, Sesame Street. In an unexpected and terrifying act, the actor who plays Big Bird, wearing the costume was brought out to the stage in handcuffs and a broken beak. In front of a national audience, Bane pulled a large knife out of his podium and severed the head of the actor with the Big Bird mask still on. Blood and yellow feathers splatter all over the cardboard cut outs and Batman stood there cold like a statue. The moderator tried to run and was gunned down by a Bane team member.
As the debate ended, our TV’s went black and all we could wonder is; if this is only the beginning, what will come next? This was clearly an example of Bane’s willingness to terrorize and divide the country at all costs. What we now realize is as our country tunes in to follow the latest trend and the grandiose narrative, a civil war has been underway at our own expense.